A Little Drive, a Little Perspective

Saturday. It was time to get moving and get lost. It had been too long, and my gypsy gene was getting restless. Newborn babies do after all have a way of disrupting the explorer in you. Particularly babies who scream the moment they're placed in a car seat. But it was time. The news had been getting under my skin... both here and back in Canada. Particularly on my mind was a newly-widowed mother of a beautiful two-year old girl. A woman who could have been any of us. The memory of the press conferences... her voice, her face, and her words ... still linger in my mind.

It was too hot to really be outside. No matter. It was far too windy to go to the beach. We didn't care. We just got in the truck and drove. And it worked. We found our sweet spot again. All four of us together. Good tunes blaring. Kaiya writing and doodling in a book on her lap. Jeff daydreaming. Me reading a travel guide on a future destination. And Izzy - God bless her - not crying.

Sweet thing. If she has my hand to grab and hold on to, she falls asleep.

First stop was Simaisma. We'd been wanting to check out the family beach for some time. And it was confirmed... too hot and too windy for the beach. Not a soul in sight. If the tide hadn't been out five miles, we would have considered stopping. Regardless, we decided we liked Simaisma. Quaint town, nothing over-the-top about it. A nice "Olympic" park, similar to Barzan Olympic park, as well as a park with lots of green space right across the street from the family beach.

Directions? Take the Shamal to the Simaisma cut off. Drive till you hit the water.

After driving past the beach, we found this crazy-bumpy road. So we drove down it.

And we found some sweet views. The water was so very green, and the fishing boats were begging to be photographed. While Jeff and Kaiya got out to explore, I hung back with Izzy, putting together our picnic meal.

It was so windy here that at one point Jeff's shirt almost blew up and over his head!

Next stop: Fuwayrit. We knew we were pushing the Izzy-limit here, since it was another 50 minutes out. But we were enjoying the drive so much that we decided to give it a go. And Izzy - God bless her - didn't cry.

Fuwayrit is definitely bikini-beach. After all the modesty of the family beaches we've been frequenting, I was kind of shocked by all the skin. Kaiya and I scooted out for a bit to feel the water and watch the kiteboarders. The wind was so strong, the sand was literally whipping against our skin, stinging.

We continued on to the rocky hills. If you have a 4 wheel drive vehicle, you must explore this area. It's small, but it's fun, as you slowly inch your way along, carefully navigating the rocky terrain.
 

This is where we're going to go next time we want a beach day. At this point along the coast, there are all these semi-private pockets, where you can park and have your own spot of sand. It's a great area for camping too, as evidenced by all the campfire remains we found.

We stopped for a half hour or so. Enough for all of us to have a chance feeling the water on our toes.

Kaiya was fully enjoying the adventure.

Lots of nooks to explore

Enjoying sun, sand, surf... and WIND!

I'm much more of a homebody now than I've ever been. But ultimately, getting out and exploring is what keeps me sane. There's something soothing about us all together, hitting the road, singing along with our favourite songs, finding strength and joy again just being together.

My, How Far We've Come

Five years ago I celebrated my first mother's day as a mom. And while Jeff and I had been thrilled about the pregnancy, I was more than a little ambivalent when our first came along. For almost 10 years of marriage, it had been just the two of us, Jeff and I, enjoying our blessed freedom, diving into our teaching careers, renovating houses and travelling and living abroad. I clung tightly to this lifestyle and didn't feel particularly comfortable with the various voices of motherhood around me.

Here was Kaiya. A round, pudgy, happy, and contented baby. But I didn't get all the voices telling me to "enjoy and cherish every moment," the same voices that assumed I now felt whole, happy, and complete. Because quite frankly there were more than a few moments I was happy to skip over, and for most of that first year I felt awkward, unsure of myself, and very much alone.

I didn't know how I could still be me while taking care of she, a very needy blob, kind of lacking in the skills of meaningful conversation.

But then, something magical happened. She started doing things like this (guaranteed to make you smile):

And I started to understand. The hours/days/months of the mundane, of loneliness and thankless work were for this:

Dang, those flowers smell good!

and this:

and this:

and this:

And I started to find my own version of motherhood... one that could include all the many facets of both me and she. And as we found our new rhythms, now as a family, both Jeff and I started to understand and feel the joy in the ride.

Fast forward a few years and we come to this, our new reality:

Let me tell you, nothing kills the ambivalence I once felt more than a miscarriage and then two and a half years of silence. Silence and questions. Last May, when I found out we had finally conceived again, I was both terrified and ready. Ready to embrace every last bit of babyhood, knowing now what a truly precious gift it is. 

Mind you, it's a heck of a lot easier to embrace all the bits when the baby sleeps eleven hours every night. ;)

That's right, baby girl. You just keep sleeping!

I am thankful today. For my daughters. For my mother and my sister. For all my mom friends. The people who talk me and walk me through the less-than-savory parts of motherhood. And for me... for the mom I've grown into and the motherhood I've found. This is the sweet space between the happiness and the hardness.

Big sister knows how to make her smile more than the rest of us.

The many faces of Isabelle

These Moments

It's been a week of crocodile tears. Big, fat crocodile tears combined with shoulder-heaving sobs. A week of second-guessing my mothering instincts, as I waver between, "you're not that sick, get to school," and "come here, scooch up on my lap, let me wipe those tears away."

My spitfire 5-year old has gotten a little off-track. Her usual stubborn confidence has faltered as she hugs me, follows my every move around the house, and clings to my leg. And I'm guessing it's more than the chest cold that's bothering her.

This was our scene yesterday afternoon:

Lying around in Isabelle's sunlit room, piles of pillows and blankets and stuffies covering the thickly woven rug. Kaiya had pulled them all in, saying it was like "our own apartment." And instead of loudly demanding my attention as I tended to Izzy, she quietly set up the room, lingering.

"What's missing mom?"
"I don't know, I think we have all we need."
"I know... some glasses of water."

"What's missing mom?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"How about some books?"

"What's missing mom?"
"I don't think anything's missing."
"Some marshmallows. Wouldn't it be nice to have a campfire?"
(I drew the line.)

And we sat, while I rocked Isabelle to sleep, Kaiya quietly playing with blocks, using her whispering voice. Then we lay, side by side, reading stories together as Isabelle slept in her crib. And I silently reassured her, over and over again, one hundred times or more... It's okay. You're mine. I love her, but I love you just as much. I'm so happy to have her, but I'm just as thrilled to have you. And the angst in her slowly calmed as she relaxed into our unusually quiet day, full of hugs and kisses and these silent affirmations of love.

She got to school this morning, still a little unsure of herself. I usually enjoy the quiet of the house, the reprieve from her never-ending demands and energy. But today, I miss her. She's still a little sick, but I'm hoping her heart's feeling a bit more full.

Some days, you've got to just spend the day making playdoh faces

And taking lots of pictures of the playdoh faces...

Three Months Already!

Here she is, our growing girl. It's been another wonderful month. Just tonight, to celebrate her third month among us, she rolled over from belly to back. Three times, just to let us know she had it down. Just a month ago, I looked back through blog posts of Kaiya's first year with us, and I shook my head when I read about month three. "She was sleeping eleven hours at night??! That's not gonna happen with this one!" And here we are, one month later, enjoying eleven to twelve hours of Izzy-sleep every night. 

I don't think there is anything more beautiful than sleeping babies!

Naked and happy after her bath

Kaiya and Isabelle and I went for a walk around the compound last night after dinner. With one hand, I held Izzy on my shoulder and with the other, I held Kaiya's hand. We have had some bouts of jealousy with Kaiya, but overall, she is thrilled to have a sister. While we walked, she told me, "I know you're going to have another baby soon. But this time, I want it to be a boy, ok?"

Before any of you dub her a prophet, let's keep in mind that the conversation also included her saying, "Can you also have twin girls and then twin boys?" And... "Mom, can people be pregnant googleplex times? Can they be pregnant infinity times?"

My awe-inspiring response: "That would be really uncomfortable."

Sisters. Oh, that awkward baby face!

My favourite time of the day with Isabelle has become the evening. For whatever reason, Izzy seems to think this is our time to talk. She stares at me, smiles, coos, kicks her legs, and is generally over-the-top cute. Even now, three months in, I still find myself tearing up in gratitude for these little moments. She's our little angel, and I'm so very glad she chose us.

Got the crazy Einstein look going on there, baby girl

To see a comparison of Kaiya and Isabelle at three months, check out this link. Similarities, yes. But also many differences. Can't wait to see what the future holds!

Barzan Olympic Park

Last weekend was HOT...the kind that had me lamenting that it was the beginning of the end, of trying to find creative, indoor methods to tame weekend madness (we Epps need our outdoor time). Thankfully, I was wrong, and it has been a beautiful week; hot but lovely, with cool evening temperatures (keeping in mind that my version of "cool" has changed somewhat in the past year and a half!)

Not wanting to spend all of Saturday indoors, we decided on an after-breakfast jaunt to Barzan Olympic park. It has been open about a year now, but it was our first time. It's a fantastic park, just north of Doha and the new Ikea. There's a small entry fee... 5 or 10 riyal, depending on the day and time of year, and it's open from 6am till 10pm.

When we went, we had the place all to ourselves, with one family going as we were coming and another coming as we were going. We were really impressed by the facilities: large playground, some sand pits, complete with beach toys, a bike track (you rent the bikes), even a cafeteria and Baskin Robbins, though these were closed at that time of day.

Of course, Kaiya's favourite part was the fountain. Within minutes she was completely soaked. If there's water involved, you're going to have a very happy Kaiya.

Fun playground equipment

Checking it all out

Beautiful paths run all through the park. Very stroller friendly.

We didn't go in the buildings at all. There are toilets, a mosque, and a swimming pool.

There were mini replicas of many of Qatar's famous buildings. The State Mosque.

Table tennis... you can rent equipment for 30qr/hr. Same goes for chess.

The bikes aren't available till after 2pm. But who cares?! There was a fountain to play in!

 

Playing in the fountain.

Yes, she went right in the middle!

One very satisfied customer

This weekend we're checking out Aquapark for the first time. I'm thinking a certain spunky 5-year old is going to like it.

I wouldn't be a true Canadian if I didn't write about the weather from time to time...

The weather is perfect tonight. According to the forecast, it's 25 degrees here in Doha right now. Temperature means a lot less to me in Qatar than it did back in Canada. It's kind of always t-shirt/capri and flip-flop weather. I just know that once it gets close to 40, I stop wanting to go outside.

It's been getting close to 40 lately. Enough to prompt members of the Doha Mums group to start asking the annual question on the forum: "So what do you do with the kids once it's too hot to go outside?" I've been feeling the same tension I felt last year, to get outside as much as possible before it's too late, before park and beach visits turn into strolling-around-another-shopping mall-to-kill-time visits. So today's reprieve was welcome. I sat outside with Isabelle during the day, taking in the beautiful sight of our bougainvillea, and in the afternoon, when the breeze picked up, I threw open the windows, for possibly the last time till November.

Jeff took Kaiya swimming this afternoon, and as I sat in the quiet of the living room with Isabelle, my mind started playing tricks on me. The rustling of the curtain as it swayed in the breeze suddenly took me back to George Street, and there I was, snuggling a baby while listening to the curtains sway in our bedroom, the same late afternoon light dancing on the walls. And then I thought of all the other weather I hear in Canada. The muffled sounds of a good snowstorm, white powder piling up against doors and windows; the pitter-patter of a gentle spring rain, or the heavy drumming of a storm; the howling of the wind.

Don't get me wrong, we hear weather in Doha too. But not nearly as much as we did back in Canada.  Most often what I think is the sound of exciting oncoming weather is actually just a jet plane flying overhead. Here, a few drops of rain sends our daughter and various neighbourhood kids dancing in the street, shouting, "It's raining! It's raining!" And the breezes I used to welcome so much in Canada make me think twice about opening windows, for fear of the sand and dust that coats our floors and dries our feet within minutes.

I don't miss the long, grey days... the ones that made getting out of bed in the mornings so hard. And I certainly don't miss snow in April. But I miss the variety; I miss the coziness winter brings; I miss loud, cracking thunderstorms and refreshing winds that don't shower in dust.

But tonight was perfect. And as Jeff and I sat outside at the Second Cup at the Pearl (how Canadian of us), we mused about the crazy April weather friends and family have been enduring back home. And I wondered, earnestly, whether I have it in me to go back to the ups and downs of Canadian weather. Because as much as I miss the variety and the seasons, there's something to be said for picnicking in January and sipping after-dinner coffees by the water in flip-flops in April. 

Al Wakra Family Beach

We've just finished a really great week. Jeff's final holiday till the BIG one in the summer. These holidays were particularly sweet because Jeff was finally all caught up. He had absolutely no work hanging over his head. It was all done. Phew! And, we were completely plan-free. No trips scheduled, no visitors coming. Just us. And a whole lot of time.

It was a funny week. A particularly "Canadian" week for us, with Jeff diving into his favourite past time, puttering. We've often been considered a bit odd, by Doha standards, for the fact that we do so much ourselves. Take care of our own garden, wash our own car (not always), put together our own furniture, paint our own rooms. Neighbours and compound workers alike have often looked at us curiously, and I know our nanny probably appreciates her light workload, though she frequently expresses her desire to spend more time with our girls, particularly baby Isabelle.

But that's how we roll. This week saw Jeff painting Izzy's room (a refreshing, icy blue... hooray for NO PINK!), assembling Ikea furniture, mounting shelves and paintings, and installing light fixtures. It was so great to see him puttering again; I could even deal with the steady flow of Peter Gabriel, Sting, and Genesis...

On the weekend it was time for a break, so we headed Friday morning to Al Wakra, this time in search of the family beach. Unfortunately, each time I have been to the public beach in Al Wakra, I have either been approached or watched by strange men, so we decided to change things up and try the family beach instead. (Where I was still approached by a strange man, but nevermind...)

To get to the family beach, you actually have to drive through Al Wakra, taking the second u-turn back. There's a sign on the side of the road, pointing you right, and then you travel on a two-lane road which should in no way be a two-lane road. At the end of the road, you turn left, hitting the gravel. Honest to God, it's amazing anyone ever finds these beaches. Long, meandering stretches of unmarked roads, followed by unknown gravel turn-offs.

This sign greets you when you finally reach your destination:

If you've been to the family beach in Al Khor, also known as Farkeeh coast, it's much the same. There are toilets (yay!), BBQ pits, some covered areas, and three massive playgrounds which unfortunately were not yet open for business. Oh, and security guards to ensure that only families enter.

We hadn't been to the beach for awhile, and we'd forgotten how good it is. Kaiya just loves it and absolutely loses herself in the sand and surf. She loves wading way out in the water with me, building sandcastles, collecting shells, and playing with hermit crabs.

I love how she has no fear of these things. At one point, she put a hermit crab in my hands, saying, "Now, put your hands straight and hold still. Be patient and don't be afraid. He doesn't bite."

Izzy did amazingly well, sleeping away most of the windy, sandy day in this little contraption. Funny thing is, when I bought it, I wasn't even thinking of trips to the beach. But it's really perfect!

Moments not captured on camera:

• Kaiya and Jeff's sandcastle volcano, complete with moat, bridge, and covered in her dinosaurs, of course
• Me being asked by a couple of abaya-clad Jordanian sisters to play football (read "soccer" North Americans) with them. I can't even remember the last time I kicked a ball around. It was great!

Jeff's back to work this week, but Kaiya's home for another week. Seriously, this kid gets far too many school holidays. And in less than 10 weeks, I'll be back in Canada with the girls. It's all going just a little too fast. I know September and my return to work will be here waaaaay before I'm ready for it. So for now I'm just soaking it all in as much as I can.